she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
