Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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