She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
