Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
