Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize