i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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