i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You took a bar mat shot.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
not ubering you a puppy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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