so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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