you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
