my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
