did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just cropdusted the office
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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