Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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