We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
