Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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