im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
farters have to be the big spoon...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
