ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
