about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
