I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
