It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
