i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
