the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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