Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
