she looked like the before picture.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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