Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
