im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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