tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
