Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's always time for handjobs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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