So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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