i already hear my dad disowning me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
