Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
