and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So many bounce houses so little time
How's work?
Spinning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
