would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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