I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize