i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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