glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Damn victory sex feels great
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
