Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
