Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
