If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
