yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
