you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
