I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
