things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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