I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize