Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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