she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
