You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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