No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
