You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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