I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
