How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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