is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize