Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
