That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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