is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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