he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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