brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
