so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
