I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
