grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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