I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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