Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
