what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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