he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
