Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
