I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
NoShamevember. You game?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
