Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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