why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
