Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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