I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Couch. On fire.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
