My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
