um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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