So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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