Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
