I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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