Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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