i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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