i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
pray to the hookup gods
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize