I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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