arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
