I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
