I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we made out on top of his cat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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